Category: Medical Humor

More COVID-19 Coronavirus Thoughts

Photo of crown
Christian IV’s crown in Rosenborg Castle in Copenhagen, Denmark.

Social distancing is strange when it hits home. The last time we had kids and grandkids over for dinner, about a month ago, we tended to hold back giving the usual hugs. Three people were in the medical profession and two lived 5 miles away from the nursing home in Kirkland that had the big outbreak. It was like an Agatha Christie whodunnit murder mystery and we were all suspects!

At work we’ve been careful to conserve supplies for quite a while, particularly to help out for the places that really need them.

When wearing a gown I couldn’t swipe my badge to log in and out of the computer as my badge was under the gown (if over then it risked touching the patient if I was examining them). I had to pull the reader to me. Face ID doesn’t work with a mask. Last month I saw a new patient, who happened to have a cold, so we both wore masks. Neither of us really saw what the other looked like. More recently most everyone wears masks.

I often check a patient’s throat when doing a routine exam, but would skip it if not really needed to avoid having to be relatively close while they may be actively exhaling in front of me. When I do a physical exam on men, I’d think twice about telling them to turn their head and cough!

We’ve quickly changed how we practice medicine. We try to screen patients to prevent potentially sick patients from coming in. It doesn’t always work. They may have already had an appointment to follow up on their diabetes, and not mentioned that they had a cough. A phone screener may have asked if they went to South Korea or Italy or had known exposure, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t have exposure to someone sick that has yet to be diagnosed, and more recently travel history no longer matters. I documented any personal protective equipment (PPE) I used (mask, mask with eye shield, gloves, gown). That way if I later find out my patient was infected, I could look at what protection I wore. Because of equipment shortages I could not wear everything for every patient I see.

I purchased scrubs for the first time a few weeks ago. When I worked in the hospital many years ago, they provided them to us. Working in the clinic it was not considered acceptable attire for doctors. Because of the pandemic, administration authorized us to wear them. When I would get home, they would go straight to the washing machine, and I would head to the shower as a decontamination routine. We never made so much use of our LG Sidekick pedestal washer!

We’re heading towards doing telemedicine in a much bigger way. That protects our patients from being exposed coming in, and it protects health care workers, and other patients, from being exposed to sick patients. Various legal restrictions and how we are reimbursed has limited this, but now the government as temporarily removed many

restrictions and the government and private insurances are starting to pay for virtual healthcare. I was 17 minutes late the first time I did a case by phone. I was waiting for my nurse to check her in before I realized that I was supposed to call her! I also quickly realized that I needed to use my speaker phone as I could not type efficiently holding the phone with one hand. I’m now set up to do video visits from work or home, but it has been a challenge for many patients. The easiest way is to use a smart phone (iPhone or Android) and download the Epic MyChart app as we use Epic as our electronic medical record
(EMR). Then we can connect on our end using the Haiku app and have a secure video conference call. But some patients don’t have smart phones, and for those that do they often don’t understand that they need to download the app, and that there are a few steps they have to do on their end to actually connect. Some try to connect through MyChart on a browser, but that often doesn’t work. A couple of people couldn’t download the app because they didn’t remember their password for the app store. Another video app we’ve used, that is preferred by our legal department, is less intuitive and I’ve only been successful with it a few times. Occasionally we run into bandwidth issues and sound or video quality is not good. I’m not sure where the problem is, but I suspect it’s on the patient end as I’m connecting to a fast internet and Wi-Fi. When it works, though, it’s generally a good experience for patients and myself. Patients can show me a rash or swollen ankle. For both sides of a video conference, it’s helpful to have a good light source from the front. If it’s from the back one’s face is in the shadows. Try just using the rearview camera to get an idea of what you’ll look like (and what’s behind you!) beforehand. Although I think visits in person tend to be best, it’s certainly safer doing it virtually. Patients appreciate that, as well as the convenience.

People generally know that this pandemic has been hard on healthcare workers. What many people probably don’t realize is that in a healthcare organization a lot of others play important supporting rolls. As I serve on an informatics committee and am a Physician Builder, I’ve had a chance to see some of what’s going on. To place an order for a brand- new test, for example, some analyst had to build the functionality into our electronic medical record. There are many new workflows that were needed, including for telemedicine, and in the beginning the analysts were told we needed them yesterday.

Once a week I work with a family medicine resident to teach them geriatric medicine. I spoke with one last month that I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with her rotation since both I and my colleague were moving towards stopping seeing patients in the clinic. After she spoke with one of the faculty, they suggested she observe me doing telemedicine as I have a reputation for being good with computers. But how could I have her watch yet keep the recommended 6 feet of social distance? I did a test where I chatted with her over one of the apps and I was able to share the screen but then she went on vacation. I’m still trying to figure out a way that I can have a resident remotely do a video chat with the patient and myself. Not all the software we are using allows group video chats. Plus, I want it to be meaningful education for the residents.

I think this experience has brought increased camaraderie among doctors and others in healthcare, like serving together during war. Fortunately we have had less cases than expected in Washington so far, and we’ve not faced dire circumstances in my clinic.

Although it’s unpleasant to consider, on the plus side, this has finally got me to stop procrastinating and pushed me to get my estate plan and medical directive done.

TV Ad with Unintended Medical Humor

Screenshot of Infiniti QX50 rear liftgate from commercial

Recently on TV I’ve seen an Infiniti Winter Sales Event TV Commercial. About 6 seconds in the rear liftgate comes down and one can see the license plate, BPH 738. There’s no indication of what state issued it, but primary care and urology doctors would immediately recognize the first three letters as an abbreviation for benign prostatic hypertrophy (an enlarged prostate). Maybe they chose that on purpose to suggest speed, because when you gotta go, you gotta go!

Remote Globe Puppy

crowned.tamed.raced

The New York times just ran a story about how Mongolia uses a system for their mail where each address consists of three words. A clever British start-up company What3Words divided a map of the world into 57 trillion pieces, each 9 square meters (about 10 x 10 feet), and assigned a 3 word combination to each one.

I checked the address of my office, and it’s crowned.tamed.raced. Given that each address takes up such a small area, I honed in on the map to where the actual rooms in my building are. Here are some of the address I came up with: remote.globe.puppy, patio.thin.ropes, living.quit.exit, castle.lofts.roses, famous.learns.cheek, and minds.agent.former.

I would say that as a geriatrician, living.quit.exit is a pretty good description of what I do, but from a marketing perspective, I’d have to go with remote.globe.puppy.

The Medical Paperwork Reduction Act

20151015_Europe_1612
Painting in the Mauritshuis Museum

Today, in a rare moment of bipartisanship, Congress passed the Medical Paperwork Reduction Act. It states that administrative requirements will be decreased to the minimum required for good medical care and billing. The Department of Labor estimated that this will reduce the average physicians paperwork by 1.7 hours a day, and that for primary care physicians, it will be closer to 3 hours a day. That in turn is expected to significantly decrease the primary care physician shortage, as they will be able to see more patients a day, and lessen unnecessary emergency room visits. Doctors’ morale is expected to improve with improved job satisfaction, leading to less early retirement, decreased physician suicide, and a lower divorce rate. Despite an increase in administrators and clerical staff seeking unemployment benefits, the Congressional Budget Office estimates a net benefit to the economy of 17.2 billion in the first year. “This is a special day. I never dreamed of seeing this,” said AMA spokesman Jonathan Dreckle, “not in a million years.”

Disabled Parking and Needless Paperwork

Date and Place SignedIn Washington State, if you want a disabled parking permit you need your doctor to fill out a form. Effective 7/1/15, a new law also requires a written prescription to help combat forgery. Physicians already have to deal with far too much paperwork. Their latest form ridiculously asks us to write down the place signed. As the photo above shows, I made up a stamp that has the latitude and longitude of my office. They want to know where I signed it? They got it!

An ICD-9 Story

Medical billing and epidemiology relies on a classification of diseases maintained by the World Health Organization. On the first of October, 2015, we will transition from ICD-9 to ICD-10, a major change that increases the number of available diagnoses from some 17,000 codes up to more than 155,000. In a strange cosmic twist, that’s the same day that most retails need to install readers for credit cards with chips or be liable for bad purchases.

With that in mind, I present a short story in ICD-9, with a translation into English.

It was E900.0. That, combined with E904.1 and E904.2, not to mention V69.4, is what led to 780.2. I admit it, I have V69.0 and V69.1. I usually sleep well, but that night was different, thanks to 780.55 due to 780.92. That morning I understandably drank 969.7, leading to 785.1. During E924.2 while E013.0 I felt 780.4. Stepping out I had 368.45 before I 780.2.When I was V49.89 after my E884.9. I had a 784.0, as if I had a 305.00. I used my E011.1 to call work to say I’d be late and hoped to avoid V62.1. He greeted me with a 784.42 indicating 300.4.

Last year I V49.89. The flights are arduous, subjected to E918 or being in V01.9 with a 780.92 E979.6 at E902.0. After landing I’m 780.79 due to V69.4 and 780.55, leading to excessive 786.09.

I was in 309.29. At least, thank to the ubiquity of E849.6, I didn’t have to suffer from 292.0.

If you think this makes for 315.00 and is a 729.1 to read, just wait for ICD 10! Ever see a V91.07XA?!

It was too hot. That, combined with lack of food and water, not to mention lack of sleep, is what led to my fainting. I admit it, I don’t exercise or eat right. I usually sleep well, but that night was different, thanks to interrupted sleep from my son’s crying all night. That morning I understandably drank one too many cups of coffee, leading my heart to skip a beat. During a hot shower I felt lightheaded. Stepping out my vision narrowed before I passed out. I awakened after my fall to the floor. I had a headache, as if I had a hangover. I grabbed my cellphone to call my work to say I’d be late and hoped I wouldn’t be in trouble with the boss. He greeted me with an edge to his voice, indicating he was wasn’t completely happy.

Last year I traveled to foreign countries. The flights are arduous, subjected to being squeezed in with other passengers, or being next to a crying, germy child at altitude. After landing I’m worn out due to lack of sleep and jet lag, leading to excessive yawning.

I was in culture shock. At least, thank to the ubiquity of vendors, I didn’t have to suffer from caffeine withdrawal.

If you think reading this is difficult and is a pain in the butt to read, just wait for ICD 10. Ever see a burn due to water-skis on fire?!

Sesame Chicken

sesamechicken

I often suggest my patients use smart phone apps to help them with their diet, in particular Lose It! or MyFitnessPal. Both progams have the ability to scan a bar code of a food item, which will then show the amount of calories, protein, fat, carbohydrates, etc for a given portion size. Not having any food in my exam rooms, I grabbed the box of tissues to show how to scan the bar code. Lose It! identified it as Sesame Chicken!

If Doctors Ran Their Practice Like The Airlines

Copyright: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/profile_itrace'>itrace / 123RF Stock Photo</a>Physicians could make so much more money if we could charge like the airline industry does.

Starting with appointments, there would be a surcharge for the most popular times. Last minute appointments are extra, on the theory that the patient would be willing to pay more if they are acutely ill. If we have a particularly light day, we might run a special and see patients at a discount. It goes without saying that when booking an appointment in advance, you’d would have to use your credit care to make a non-refundable deposit.

When you check in for your visit, it would cost $5 if you want to sit down while you wait. Magazines can be rented for $1 and there would be water bottles for sale if you’re thirsty. You can pay $7 for two hours of wi-fi to access the internet, or if you are sick or a hypochondriac and visit often, pay $10 per month for unlimited use.

If you’re one of those couples that book your appointments together, there will be a surcharge if you want to share the same room.

Just like it costs more for each piece of luggage you take on the plane, we would charge for each prescription we write. Medications that were more complicated to prescribe would have a surcharge. Want a form for work, to get out of jury duty or a parking permit? That will be extra.

When it comes time to undress for an exam, prepare to bring your own gown, or fork over $2.50 for the paper version. Don’t skimp paying 50 cents for the lubricant!

Do all these charges sound bad? Don’t worry. Hand washing is still complementary!

Who Are You Calling Old?

Moth on bricksA local family medicine residency program sends second year residents to rotate through my internal medicine clinic. Reviewing the note that one of them wrote, I saw that he described my 66-year-old patient as, “Elderly, ” though did note that she appeared younger than her age. I let that young whippersnapper know that age is relative, and that I doubted he would consider 66 as elderly once he reached his 50’s!