If Doctors Ran Their Practice Like The Airlines

Copyright: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/profile_itrace'>itrace / 123RF Stock Photo</a>Physicians could make so much more money if we could charge like the airline industry does.

Starting with appointments, there would be a surcharge for the most popular times. Last minute appointments are extra, on the theory that the patient would be willing to pay more if they are acutely ill. If we have a particularly light day, we might run a special and see patients at a discount. It goes without saying that when booking an appointment in advance, you’d would have to use your credit care to make a non-refundable deposit.

When you check in for your visit, it would cost $5 if you want to sit down while you wait. Magazines can be rented for $1 and there would be water bottles for sale if you’re thirsty. You can pay $7 for two hours of wi-fi to access the internet, or if you are sick or a hypochondriac and visit often, pay $10 per month for unlimited use.

If you’re one of those couples that book your appointments together, there will be a surcharge if you want to share the same room.

Just like it costs more for each piece of luggage you take on the plane, we would charge for each prescription we write. Medications that were more complicated to prescribe would have a surcharge. Want a form for work, to get out of jury duty or a parking permit? That will be extra.

When it comes time to undress for an exam, prepare to bring your own gown, or fork over $2.50 for the paper version. Don’t skimp paying 50 cents for the lubricant!

Do all these charges sound bad? Don’t worry. Hand washing is still complementary!

About Daniel Ginsberg, MD, FACP

I'm an internal medicine physician and have avidly applied computers to medicine since 1986, when I wrote my first medically oriented computer programs. So yes, that means I'm at least 35-years-old!
This entry was posted in Business of Medicine, Medical Humor and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to If Doctors Ran Their Practice Like The Airlines

  1. Very amusing…hard to know whether to laugh or cry…I’ll go for the laugh!! Nicole milner

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